PERSONAL SPACE BOUNDARIES for highly sensitive & less sensitive persons

There is an emerging paradigm of interconnectedness in our universe. No matter what we think or do, we are all connected! Because there are no real boundaries, especially on an energetic level, it is even more necessary to create ‘personal space’, even if it is only by establishing makeshift boundaries.

One of my favourite books is Ken Wilber’s, No Boundary: Eastern and Western Approaches to Personal Growth (2001). In it he describes how “we are here to experience the ultimate metaphysical secret — that there are no boundaries in the universe. Boundaries are only illusions, products of the way we try to map and edit our reality.” “Viewing our universe as full of distinct ‘things’ is a convenient way to navigate, “map and edit our reality” and “help us to get a sense of our own territory [our personal space, opinions, and possessions, for instance] but reality is not so confined. All such boundaries and personal territories are permeable ….” (from my soon to be published book, Nature Cure: freeing our innate healing capacity for optimum health.)

                Human beings are social beings who therefore require a level of human contact and interaction. However, people still need to create balance in their lives, and having boundaries enables them to achieve this. “I believe the most important thing for all HSPs to address [and also less sensitive people] is getting the balance right between how much time they spend ‘out there’ in the world and how much time they spend in their own company in quiet retreat.” (from my book, Embracing the Gift of High Sensitivity, pg. 143) We all need this right balance to maintain our physical and mental health.

Ways and means to create your personal space through the establishment of personal boundaries:

1. TIME-OUTS!

• Superpower your time-outs by doing some deep breathing (preferably in a park or green area, for instance), meditation or mindfulness, or some creative visualisation (e.g. visualizing a white light around yourself – creating an energetic boundary.)
• Prioritise your time. Anticipate your needs today and over the next week. Make time in your diary for contemplative (time-out) practices such as meditation, journaling, taking walks in the park, etc. Proper self-care means we only need to be as compassionate to ourselves as we are to others.
• Educate and let those – family, friends and work colleagues – around you know that you function best if you are allowed some space and time-outs to reflect and just be with your thoughts. Tell them that this way you work better and are even then more fun to be with!
• Give yourself permission to take breaks (time-outs) from overstimulating situations, and excuse yourself from overwhelming environments. If you are required to attend a highly stimulating situation, devise, using your natural creativity, an exit (escape) plan worked out beforehand, a plan that won’t offend anyone.
• If going on a trip with friends, look out for a quiet coffee shop, for example, so you can escape and get some personal space when you need it.
• Give yourself ‘processing time’ (especially in novel situations). HSP’s need time and space to process their experiences as they go through life, otherwise they get overwhelmed and soon become exhausted.
• Create your ‘minimalist’ haven to retreat to regularly - this could be your bedroom or any room of your house. A cluttered, chaotic environment is unsettling especially for highly sensitive people but also for most others. Too much sensory information, including visual clutter, can easily make people feel overwhelmed and stressed. A de-cluttered, minimalist environment calms most people.

The decluttering process doesn’t need to be painful. Here are just two examples of many:

1. Take the 12-12-12 Challenge. Locate 12 items in your house to throw away, 12 items to donate, and 12 items to be returned to their proper home – 36 things dealt with already! This could even be made into a quick competition between partner (and kids?) and you.
2. Give away one item each day. Colleen Madsen at ‘365 Less Things’ gives away one item each day. Over the past several years, she has experienced quite a transformation simply reducing her STUFF one day at a time.

• And last but not least! Retreat regularly into your piece of Natural (green) Environment! Immerse yourself in nature - your garden, park, bush path, etc. - to re-charge and recover from the mental fatigue caused by sensory overload experienced by many urban residents. Even a green leafy outlook from your room or office is therapeutic. Research has shown that hospital patients who have a leafy outlook tend to heal faster and need less medication than those looking at a brick wall. Dr Claire Henderson-Wilson, from Victoria’s Deakin University, says people who spend 30 minutes or more in green spaces each week are less likely to experience high blood pressure or depression.

2. Other strategies:

• Try to avoid those people who after being with you feel ‘drained’.
• Avoid people whose nature is to be overly aggressive, combative or confrontational.
• If you go to a loud concert or a cinema with a huge screen, purchase tickets to the rear of the hall or theatre.
• Take breaks and time away from computer screens.
• Avoid being in large crowds (and even large groups) where possible.
  HSP’s have great empathy and can easily sense and feel other peoples’ emotional states, but this also makes them vulnerable. Especially in crowds their lack of strong emotional/energetic boundaries means they are less protected against and more sensitive to the lack of personal space and any crowd hysteria. The end result is often a feeling of being overwhelmed and drained of energy.
• Natural Remedies and there are many. The remedies I have found most useful are natural medicines that not only help us on a physical level but also help us on the subtle dimensions of our being. In my 40 years of private practice (and in my personal use) I have found it is the natural medicines in flower essence or homeopathic form that achieve the best and most profound results.

“There are a number of species of Yarrow that are made into flower essences and all of them protect against negativity of different kinds in the environment (Kaminski and Katz 1996).” – white (common) yarrow, pink yarrow, golden yarrow – have proved to be a ‘godsend’ for thousands of my clients, especially those with high sensitivity (including myself):

White (common) Yarrow “acts like an energetic buffer between us and the environment – energetic boundaries become better defined and our personal space becomes more secure. In this way Yarrow provides protection against radiation, geopathic stress and general negativity in the physical environment.”

Pink Yarrow “acts like an energetic ‘emotional buffer’ between us and our loved ones – emotional boundaries become better defined. Pink Yarrow protects against negative emotions” especially from those to which we already have an emotional attachment.

Golden Yarrow  “is for those who sympathise [and identify] too strongly with their environment … and this can create a sense of mental congestion, confusion and even deeply felt pain (if pain is in the environment).” It “helps us to maintain our sense of Self and our identity whatever the surroundings.”

All the above descriptions are from my book, The Essential flower Essence Book (2023).